Rub Paw Press

part two in an apparently ongoing series about Keith Birthday’s recent travels through Europe. part one here

It was probably the most absurd thing that I had seen/heard in a while, the ‘DJ’ in this Warsaw basement bar was making a ‘shicka-shicka’ sound into the microphone in rhythm to the music, in what appeared a very lame attempt at beatboxing along with the music. At that point I wondered two things: a.) did he actually think that it sounded good? and b.) why on earth did he decide that the best sound to use in order to accompany the music was a half-assed maraca? Looking at K and the Australian and the other Australian they all seemed to agree, and we all imitated him and laughed.

K and I had arrived in Poland the day previous via train from Berlin. The train ride had been essentially uneventful, in fact there we didn’t even know that we had crossed the border until we were startled awake by a man yelling at us in a language we didn’t understand (GDE PRSYZYWSYZYSYZY?) In fact, this was the first country I had been in a long time where I felt utterly incapable in the native language, so I felt a little timid as we exited the train into the concrete monolith that is the Warsaw main train station. I surely felt intimidated.

These fears disappeared quickly, though as soon as we realized that Polish sounded a hell of a lot like Russian, just with more ‘sh’ and ‘zh’ and ‘dz’ shoved in there for good measure. We could read signs. I’m sure I baffled more than one Polish citizen when they would ask me a question in Polish and I would reply in English, not knowing how to otherwise.

Warsaw is not a super interesting city, very soviet/industrial looking towards the center complete with an additional ‘sister’ type building in the middle looking very much like its Moscovian counterparts. But tucked away near the river is the old city, mostly rebuilt after the war. I was absolutely charmed by the lights/xmas/new year’s feelings in the air.

stalin wuz here

see how pretty? old city Warsaw

But we weren’t there just for tourism, we were on a quest to eat at one of the fated ‘milk bars’ that we had heard about.

What is a milk bar (Mleczny Bar)? At first I thought of the popular image conjured up by multiple viewings of A Clockwork Orange, but this is not the case whatsoever. I guess the best way to describe it would be a small cafeteria type thing. What I mean by that is that it’s a small place usually very spartanly decorated in the most charmingly post-soviet fashion that serves food and drink for really cheap prices. The food is simple, but delicious and satisfying. You can basically get soup, a main course, and a coffee for something like 5 dollars. Even better is the diverse clientele, everyone from students to old ladies to single mothers to workers are there.

luv u milk bar in warsaw

Even better, no one who works there speaks any English, being that these places are not the usual tourist magnets. So K and I found ourselves hilariously struggling with the language at the counter. Luckily a lot of the food words are the same or at least recognizable. We got our orders out, were served our food, and say down to eat a delicious meal.

Why Milk Bar? This is not based in any actual fact, but my belief is that they are called milk bars because they are supposed to be the antithesis to ‘beer bars’. At least in Russian, the traditional word for bar is actually the adjectival form of the word beer, so I wouldn’t be surprised if Polish had a similar archaic form (everyone just says ‘bar’ now). Also, in a lot of the Slavic literature I’ve read, it seems that milk is considered the cultural antithesis of beer. Thus I decided that they are called milk bars to distinguish them as the opposite of a beer bar, meaning that they are for real food and nutrition and not for getting drunk.

nothing like a good gulash w/buckwheat

I also now see the presence of a milk bar in A Clockwork Orange as an additional reference to Slavic culture in the novel, beyond the extensive use of Russian words to make up their ‘slang’. Feel smarter/more cultured now.

I could be completely wrong. It could make for a good thesis though.

For additional understanding, read Too Loud a Solitude by Bohumil Hrabal/watch A Clockwork Orange again

luv this book

thnx behindthehype.com/stanley kubrick